Wow. It's been just a little over a year since I began this crazy journey. It's amazing how life never ends up the way you imagined it would. So here we are, a year later, and a completely abandoned plan. The first thing I thought when my blog crossed my mind today was that no one has questioned me, no one has encouraged me to keep going, and basically, no one would know.
Overcoming difficult circumstances seems to have become the trend in my life. I spent the majority of 2012 living with my aunt and getting upset about things out of my control. I began 2012 with the yearning to humble myself by ridding my life of excess in order to become more Christ-like and gain a better understanding of who He is. Two months in, I quit when I was suddenly without anywhere to live...but God kept working. Funny how He does that. Instead of continuing my crazy year long fast, I was instantly without most of my possessions and living on a mattress on the floor. All simply because we didn't find a house to buy by the time we had to leave the other one.
In September, I found a great little house, bought it, and moved in with a month to prepare to host Christmas. (hosting and Christmas are 2 of my favorite things!) So in the end, God quickened to me the same lesson I was trying to reach on my own; but He did it in His own way. Instead of me being in control of my story, God gave me the perfect opportunity to put 100% of my trust in Him, because there was no other way to go. And then he gave me an incredible blessing for my obedience... in spite of my grumbling! I started last year by posting this verse: 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." Boy wasn't that made 100% clear to me last year.
My friends Heidi and Sam began 2013 in a time of fasting; much like I began last year. But it wasn't until my lunch with them this week did I realize that I still have a desire to complete the task I started. Both Heidi and I are in a similar state of "blooming" is what we called it. She is anxiously awaiting the birth of her son at home, except she thought she would be working by now. I am at a professional crossroads with no direction once more.
This morning, Pastor Jamey talked about prophetic words over our lives. It's interesting to hear how people react to a prophesy. Some people will take it and hold on for dear life. Some people will disregard it unless it happens to come to fruition. And some people just laugh at the idea of prophesy. Did you ever consider, and this is the profound part, that the prophesy could be true but our lives aren't ready to receive it? He made an analogy about farming: In the fall after the harvest, farmers will till their soil to allow the left over pieces of plants give nutrition to the soil. After the ground has thawed, they sow their seed. But if they hadn't prepared the ground months and months before, the seed would never produce a usable crop. woah.
I've naively never considered that I might be the problem when things spoken over my life don't happen. I always believed it would all happen in "God's Timing" but could it be that my heart has not been prepared to produce a successful crop. The seed has been sown, but it's time to till the soil.
So if I still have a great desire to fast in order to seek God and "till the soil" then here I go.
Details this week.
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